Tips and Encouragement for Successfully Parenting a Strong Willed Child

Parenting any child is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and unexpected twists. Some Christian parents have what feels like an added challenge - raising a strong-willed child.

These children possess a fiery spirit, a determination to do things their way, and an unyielding spirit that can sometimes test the patience of even the most devoted parents. However, as Christian parents, we are called and equipped by God to guide and nurture our strong-willed children with love, understanding, and faith.

In this post, we will explore some valuable insights and strategies to help you navigate the rewarding but often challenging journey of parenting a strong-willed child.

Recognize the Blessing of a Strong Willed Child

First and foremost, it's essential to recognize that a strong-willed child is a blessing. Your child’s determination and resilience can be channeled into incredible strengths as she grows. Remember that God has created and entrusted you with this unique child for a reason. Her strong will is not a personality or character flaw but something to be channeled with loving guidance. Embrace her strong will as a sign of God's plan for her life and a quality that can serve her powerfully as she takes her place as a servant in the Kingdom of God.

Pray for Guidance

As Christian parents, prayer is always our vehicle for partnering with God in our parenting. Through it, we share our struggles and receive wisdom and strength. Ask God for wisdom (a request he promises to grant in James 1:5) in understanding your child's unique temperament and needs. Pray for resources that will help you as well as patience, empathy, and discernment as you navigate the challenges of parenting a strong-willed child. Remember that God is your ultimate source of support and guidance.

Set Clear Boundaries

Strong-willed children thrive when they know the rules and boundaries are consistent. Create a structured and predictable environment that includes clear rules and consequences for their actions. Communicate these boundaries with love and empathy, helping your child understand the reasons behind them. Perhaps most crucially, follow up with consequences in a way that is consistent, objective, and predictable. This approach can help your child feel safe and secure while learning to respect authority.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Strong-willed children have a knack for pushing boundaries and questioning authority. What’s more, they sometimes invite or even pursue a direct conflict, standing against a parent’s perceived desires with the hope of drawing a reaction. Try not to engage in a head-to-head battle or be manipulated into an emotional response. Instead, calmly assess the consequences that your child knows always result from the misbehavior you are seeing. Also, look for places where you can offer your child some autonomy and the chance to choose his own actions wisely. This approach fosters a sense of independence while maintaining essential values and boundaries.

Be Patient and Compassionate

Patience is a virtue, especially when parenting a strong-willed child. Understand that strong-willed children may need more time to process their emotions and adapt to new situations. Approach conflicts with empathy and a calm demeanor, showing your child that you are there to support and guide her through challenging moments and make sure she knows that your love is not conditional on her easy compliance.

Model Christ-Like Behavior

Remember that your actions speak louder than your words. Prayerfully model Christ-like behavior by demonstrating patience, kindness, and forgiveness in your interactions with your child. Show him how to handle disagreements and conflicts in a loving and respectful manner.

Seek Support and Community

Don't hesitate to seek support and guidance from your Christian community, whether it's your church, friends, or family. Sharing your experiences and seeking advice, especially from those who are a little ahead of you in parenting experience and spiritual maturity, can provide invaluable insights and encouragement.

Parenting a strong-willed child can be a challenge, no doubt. But take time to pause and imagine all the great things God can accomplish through this no-fear, not-backing-down, passionate, powerful heart. By approaching this particular parenting journey with faith, love, and patience, you can help your child harness his strong will for great good and grow into a strong and faithful instrument of God. Remember that you are not alone in this journey. Lean into the strength, comfort, and wisdom God is glad to provide. And embrace the unique qualities of your strong-willed child, for he or she is a precious gift from God.

Xo,

Christie

Hot Seat Questions Families Can Use to Actually Connect With a Child’s Heart

So many things can make it challenging for us to truly connect with our children. As Christian parents, we understand the importance of nurturing our children's hearts and building a strong family bond, but sometimes it's still not easy. One wonderful way to do this is by embracing the "hot seat" approach—a unique, thoughtful, and engaging way to open a window into your child 's heart. Let’s explore the concept of the "hot seat" and provide a list of questions designed to strengthen your parenting journey and foster deep connections within your family.

The Hot Seat: What Is It?

The "hot seat" is a simple yet powerful technique that encourages open and honest communication within your family. It's a dedicated time when one family member, often a child, takes the center stage while the rest of the family listens, asks questions, and shows genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.

Family “hot seat” time has a number of benefits.

First, it’s a great way to give your child the gift of your undivided attention. By asking a question and then actively listening, your child receives the message that you care, you’re interested in her thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and you consider her worth listening to.

If we’re not intentional about this, our children can, sadly, believe the opposite is true, just because we often find ourselves drawn in multiple directions throughout the typical day. We may be listening to a child’s story while we’re mentally planning the next couple meals and also moving laundry from the washer to the dryer. Focused attention on our child may be more rare than we'd like it to be!

Second, it gives your child a chance to practice sharing, which is such a vital element of relationship building. Face-to-face in-depth conversation has become somewhat of a lost skill in today’s environment. It’s well worth the effort to help your child learn to enjoy connecting with loved ones through sharing and listening.

Third, your child gets to develop the skill of listening as others share their hearts. The give-and-receive element of “hot seat” time is so valuable. You’ll likely often find out things you didn’t already know, even though you’re conversing with the people you spend the most time with. This can bring both delight and also an appreciation for the complexity of humans. We should all learn to understand that there’s almost certainly more to any person than meets the eye.

So bring on the “hot seat” questions as well as the listening ears, eye contact, follow-up questions, affirmation, genuine interest and love. In the process, you’ll gain insight into your child's inner world and create a safe space for open conversations about faith, emotions, and life in general.

Here are some great hot seat questions for Christian families. Most of these should work well for children aged 5 all the way through the teen years. Click here to get these and more as a free printable!

1. What is your favorite thing to do when you have free time?

2. What is something that makes you feel really close to God?

3. Can you share a Bible verse or story that has a special meaning to you and explain why it's significant?

4. What's one thing you appreciate about our family?

5. Is there anything you're curious or uncertain about regarding God?

6. Who is a friend that means a lot to you and what do you like about that person?

7. What is something you really hope happens to you in the future?

8. What's the best part of your day at school?

9. What's something you find challenging or stressful in your daily life?

10. Share a recent experience that made you happy or proud.

11. What's a hobby or activity you'd like to try but haven't yet?

12. What's something you wish we did more often as a family?

13. What is something that really makes you feel loved?

14. What's your favorite book, and why do you like it so much?

15. What's something that you wish you could change in the world?

16. What do you like to do when you're feeling upset or angry to help calm down?

17. What's your favorite family meal, and why do you enjoy it?

18. Can you share a time when you helped someone and how it made you feel?

19. What's your favorite type of music or favorite song, and why do you like it?

20. Do you have a favorite place in our home or neighborhood? What makes it special?

The "hot seat" approach is a wonderful tool that can help us understand our children's hearts and build stronger family bonds. By using these hot seat questions, you can create a space where your child feels heard, loved, and supported. Remember, parenting is a journey, and the family is the heart of this journey—embrace every moment, every question, and every opportunity to grow together as a family rooted in faith and love.

Xo,

Christie

PS - If you're looking for another way to connect with your child, check out our Fall-themed Printable Encouragement Cards in the Savvy Shop!

How to Identify If Your Child Is Having Trouble Paying Attention

One crucial aspect of our children’s development is their ability to pay attention, which plays a significant role in their academic success, social interactions, and overall well-being. Though the ability to focus may come fairly naturally for some, it’s actually a skill to be developed, and one parents can help with.

One great strategy for developing a child’s ability to pay attention is directed sit time. To do this, provide your child with a quiet activity (a book to look at, a page to color, some clay to sculpt, etc.) and a table and chair to sit in.

Make sure the seating arrangement is the proper size for your child. Then, set a timer and direct your child to sit and focus quietly on that activity until the timer goes off. Let him know not to ask to get down or do something else. The timer will be his signal that it’s time for something new.

If this type of focusing activity is new for your child, it’s good to set the timer according to his age. If your child is three, you can set the timer for three minutes. For a five-year-old working on focusing skills for the first time, set the timer for five minutes. Once he does well with that time, work on increasing it gradually until he can focus on a directed activity for at least ten minutes.

You should provide your child with the activity without any negotiation. After all, the aim is to help him learn to focus on a directed activity. But still, try to make this time as pleasant as possible. Choose something he should be able to enjoy. Ideally, he will not only learn how to focus but also learn to enjoy quietly focusing on something for a period of time.

Many children will successfully develop this ability to sit and focus, while others will struggle. Is your child’s struggle to pay attention more than just age-appropriate childhood distraction? It's not always easy to tell! Here are some common signs and strategies to help you identify if your child is facing attention difficulties and some ways to support him effectively.

Falling Short of the Age-Appropriate Attention Span

First and foremost, it's essential to understand that attention spans vary greatly depending on a child's age. Younger children typically have shorter attention spans than older ones. A good guide is to expect a child to focus for about 2-3 minutes per year of age. So, a 4-year-old would typically be able to focus for about 8-12 minutes. Your awareness of age-appropriate expectations can help you gauge your child's attention more accurately.

Inconsistent Performance

One of the primary indicators that your child might be struggling with attention is inconsistent performance. If she excels in some areas but struggles to concentrate on tasks that seem within her capabilities, it could be a sign of attention issues. For instance, if your child consistently performs well in math but struggles with reading comprehension, it may not be a matter of intelligence but rather an attention-related challenge.

Frequent Daydreaming or Distractibility

Children with attention difficulties may exhibit behaviors such as frequent daydreaming, difficulty staying on task, or being easily distracted. They might start a task but quickly lose interest and move on to something else. Observing these patterns can help you identify potential attention issues.

Difficulty Organizing and Following Instructions

Children who struggle with attention often find it challenging to organize their tasks and follow instructions. They might frequently forget homework assignments, misplace school materials, or have trouble completing multi-step tasks. If your child consistently displays these behaviors, it may be an indication of attention-related challenges.

Impulsivity and Hyperactivity

Attention difficulties are often associated with impulsivity and hyperactivity, which are key characteristics of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). If your child frequently acts without thinking, interrupts others, or seems unable to sit still for reasonable periods, it's worth considering whether attention issues could be contributing to these behaviors.

Difficulty with Social Interactions

Children with attention challenges may also experience difficulties in social interactions. They might struggle to maintain conversations, have difficulty listening to others, or find it hard to follow social cues. These challenges can affect their relationships with peers and adults alike.

Consult with Teachers and Professionals

If you notice several of these signs in your child and are concerned about his or her attention, it's essential to seek input from teachers and professionals. Teachers can provide valuable insights into your child's behavior and performance in the school environment. A qualified healthcare professional or psychologist can assess your child's attention and provide a diagnosis if necessary.

Explore Strategies for Support

Once you've identified attention challenges in your child, the next step is to explore strategies for support. Depending on the diagnosis and severity of the issue, your child may benefit from various interventions, such as behavioral therapy, medication (if diagnosed with ADHD), or classroom accommodations. These strategies can help your child improve his attention skills and thrive academically and socially.

Identifying whether your child is having trouble paying attention can be a challenging but crucial process. By recognizing the signs and seeking professional guidance when helpful, you can provide the support and resources your child needs to overcome attention-related challenges. Remember that all children are unique, and with the right approach and support, they can better develop the attention skills necessary for success in school and in life.

Xo,

Christie